Bloop and the chill. :)

High Maintenance.

Once there entered a raccoon in my room!
And I learnt something of myself.
Cold. I am (?)]. I have (!).

OOoo. Call my parole officer, someone! Owe, he's there always. Now isn't he? ;)
So here goes nothing! [<~Copied]
I liek collecting pillows in my bed [Small, big, puffy, ugly], and spread various blankets and quilts around. Pink blanket, bloo blanket. Thick quilt. And put on my favorite music on as low as what a red ant would want to hear. Read a cheezy novel. Covered in a lot of cozy stuff. Lying on multiple sheets. With tissues all around.
Snnezing.

Aaaaachhhoooon!
I feel liek a Meg Ryan from 'When Harry met Sally' movie.
High maintenance.

Owe, and replace the "I" with "A raccoon".



PS: I liek my new red toe nails.
And the cold.

*Sneezes*

Bloops in your shirt pocket.
:)
Ain't I the sweetest thing? :)

An Ode to the Silent Lurker!

THE SILENT LURKER

Excerpt #1:
"I can also cook unmatched socks in a molten-mousepads solution faster than you can phone your shoe about watermelons taking over the Earth. I can use a bangle to prove that clocks and pencils have do not make ice-cream any sweeter. I'm also (in)famous as the guy who kills a kitten each time someone drinks the "Ekeeki buraahadha" soup.
More on that in my documentary "How I invented the comma"."
End of excerpt #1.

Pratyush. Nikhil. Apte.


Err.. Oops.

Pratyush His-sister's-name's-Yamini Rohatgi.

I liek this human being.
He thinks too B-) of himself, but true to what he thinks he is, he's one of his kind. And I've always had a thing for unique "stuff".
So well yeah. Today he's one of my closest friends.

Its to be his birthday soon.
I first met him on his birthday. [Read fake.]
[Re read: But I loved the idea! :D So much so that I tried that myself. And the fool house was house-fool. Hahahahhaahaa]
:-|

Sigh.
As true to the saying, Pratyush thinks he's too complex to be understood, but for the people who know him, well not that much, Pratyush thinks he's too complex to be understood, but for the people who know his, well not that much.
:)

And since I find it wierd to keep calling him Pratyush, I'll get back to SL.
SL's one of the greatest people the world is yet to see.
This person is going to make it big in life. That time he's gift me diamonds on rakhi. This is the only reason I'm writing this to him. [Errr not really.]
SL's got a heart. That of Gold. An actual one.
It is said that friends in need are friends indeed. But this saying is crap.
It is also said [*New*] that friend who can smile WITH you in your success are friends indeed. The ones who don't sulk. The ones who don't crib that their humor isn't as good as yours. They're the ones who'd appreciate if you're good and make fun of your mistakes if you're not.
This is the new trend in life. And the way cooler one. This trend of being truthful and telling your friends that they're losers and that they need to get a life, is in fact a very great zygote to the re-creation if that world which God initially wanted. Where people were good. And good to each other. And truthful. And sacrificing. And got happiness out of other people's happiness. Not just their friends'. I think, by all this I mean that my dear friend here is one of the kind that the almighty created when he wanted to begin this world. He's Adam. Or someone who came right after him.

SL's got great English. He's one of the best critics I've known. Owe drat, he IS the best critic I know. He's true you know. And that IS what makes a critic the best critic. And a great friend.

As for looks, well he's got those to die for! Or kill for. Happy Bakra id. Rofl! [Get the joke you idiot!]

Excerpt #2:
"Yes. And I was called the 'Ugly Swan' by my step-sisters. Until one fine day, it dawned upon them (and me) that I, in fact, was a duck (no comments on the beauty)!"
End of excerpt #2:

But the fact is, when God created this world, he didn't imagine a good-looking and a bad-looking class, he just made good people. And he is one of them. And as long as he can smile with you, or any friend for the matter, you dun need to comment on their looks. So basically scrap the last two paragraphs. :p

My friend's got an innovative mind. He's one of the few different headed people you come across and be jealous of and cheat from.
Great leadership skills.

... this has started to sound liek an ode isn't it? So let me call it that.

Well, as for me and him. We make great friends. Or as I liek believing. We've had fun talk We've had serious talk. We've had talk to the extent that his college mates ahem.. misunderstood. But who cares as long as we make a great trio with Mod in?
Yes we DO make a great trio.
All those yahoo chats, which if we get back and read [All three of us saved the archives for the same reason that...], we'll cry. Out of happiness looking back at those times. Or just plain pity at out spontaneity-humor[IF that is a term.]

The best script I've ever lieked of SL's is the first about me that I saw of him. A boastful acceptance/ warning of begin a lurker. I've deleted so many scraps just because of him. :ppp

And the invention of red font.
I remember my first [red] Hey SL! [/red]. And so the trend started. :)
One year's almost passed by.
His birthday's coming up. I have nothing to give to him, but for wishes. That he stays happy forever. And that he will.

When you read this SL, I would want to ask you for the same thing. Be a friend to me for as long as you can.
It'd be a great pleasure to have a room called "Lurker. Silent Lurker. With a license to peep.".
It'd be a great favor if you're there when we need you and you let us be there when you need us.


Excerpt #3:
"Dear Bush,
I am in love with your daughter and wish to put my weapon of mass destruction to use. Please oblige.
PS- Enclosed is the map of Iraq. The circled part indicates the territory I want."
End of excerpt #3:

Blessings.
Mod and Makuna.

Confessions of a teenage drama queen. Ô

As a wannabe 7th standard girl, I used to day-dream about being very tough to lousy road-side Romeos.
Yes, it starts wayyy too early.
The inferior-gender [Referring to times back when women were called the "Superior" ones, or just the better halves.] has forever had the chicken-ness enough to stare and pass comments on the chics on the street.
Chicken-ness, shouldn't be the word, for the sole reason that my son is one too. :)

[The previous sentence rhymed.]


As a part of my back-pack for 'Go-to-some-place-and-be-happy-cuz-love's-visiting' trip to Bhopal, I took along my life's philosophy and psychology of 'Ignorance is Bliss'. My work at the place was concentrated around the worst niche of the city, Qazi camp.
If racists want to drop the entire blame on 'Muslims' being the inferior 'species', well they can look at my shoe for any future discussions.
The same was told to my Dad too.

[He loves Christians for some reason. A high school crush maybe(?).]

My first few days at the workplace went quite unproductive. When I don't see the pros I choose to not see the cons. I, thus, felt quite at home there. However, the truth of my worst nightmares was revealed when I ACTUALLY started to work. Being in fair in basti-s isn't 'quite' a bliss.

To begin with the five year olds who have been taught to recognize themselves as poor and the white as rich followed me calling me "didi" in search of toffees and candies. And their Dads and brothers and uncles stayed staring. And their moms and sisters and aunts stayed staring. :-| Do not ask me why.
Being dressed head to toe isn't really a way to protect yourself from the comments.
I couldn't possibly dare to hide my face in a dupatta as others working did, cuz.. err... well "I" had done nothing wrong so as to hide my face. Self-esteem deal. Yeah.

Soooo I walked head-high-nose-raised looking at every guy who dared look at me wanting to give a dirty look annnd to my happy realization, they couldn't keep an eye contact. Losers. Yes.

But as days passed by, I started staying lost in the previous day's/week's happenings and interviews and what I had for today and tomorrow in store. The first comment I deal with was when a cheapster called my friend 'fat'.

Loser #1: You've started to get fatter by the day! What have you been eating huh?

-Juhi turns back to give him a "$%&^$@$ 43%^%#%"-stare. He tries to run and cross the lewdly populated Qazi camp roads. Juhi moved towards him, pulls his hand and forces him to answer her. He says the comment was for his friend standing next to him. Juhi offers the friend to second him. The friend doesn't. Juhi gives him a piece of her irritated mind and lets him go before the lewdly populated crowd tries to clean their hands on him.-

I.am.an.actor.
And I've been into the habit of changing into my normal self as soon as I get off the stage, after giving an 'as natural as it could get'-performance.
I started with my jokes back again once it was over.
Not more than 5 minutes.
Y.a.y.

This was enough for the wannabe gangster inside me to make me live with a raised nose for over 2 weeks.

The next happening came when I was to visit a decent muslim activist lady for lunch. She says she lieks me. :D :D
:D
I was on my way, JUST opposite to the Union Carbide factory. I walk to the right of the road. That is the smart way to be. You can avoid crashing into a space ship coming from front that cry about being back-hit to Saint Satan in hell. Yes.
This particular road, as per my experience in levels of lewd population, is the worst case scenario.

('Worst case scenario' sounds so debate-ish-copy-pasted)
This guy had the guts enough to walk to me from the front left and be cheap.

Loser #2: You're looking soooooooo smart today(?)!
-Juhi out of an impulse[spontaneous anger! :O] hits her with her left hand. His chest is slapped and he bounces back. Within 5 seconds, the time take by Juhi to realize the happening and take some voluntary action, the guy is 50 meters far. He ran off. He stays laughing to hide the embarrassment and insult in the area he lives. Juhi shouts out and gives him a piece of her mind to him. She uses "tum" to address him. She realizes late that she still hasn't got what it takes to be a Harley-Davidson owner.

Before leaving the place, I thought of passing on my wisdom to a foreign intern, girl. So that she makes the best use of HER time here. I took her out to see the antique wall of the factory full of campaigns, each a masterpiece. And also a memorial statue, a dedication to the guts of the survivors.

We encountered more than 5 cheapster within 15 minutes. The same place as the slapped-chested(Not)-loser.

Loser #3: (On bike) Want a lift.
-Juhi tells him to get lost. #$%^ $%@$% -look.-

Losers #4,5,6: (Volunteer to show around the place to the guests)
-Juhi forces him to realize his Eunuch status and un-employed, or rather say un-able status. He tries to argue but runs off. On his bike. Yes. Juhi threatens to chop off and throw his private parts the next time he tries to volunteer for help. :) -

Loser #7 is traveling in an auto, clicking pictures from his Nokia 5700[:-|]. Loser #8 is the auto driver. :-|

Loser #7: What is you name?
-Foreign intern(girl) hides her face with her colorful dupatta. Juhi answers him.-
Juhi: (Shouting)Go ask your mom!
-Loser #7 doesn't understand what the mean girl means. Juhi runs to his auto and tries to beat him inside his auto and probably snatch his phone. The auto moves after he shrinks to the other end inside the auto, scared to death. Juhi holds the auto as it moves and shakes the auto. Autos have never ran at a faster speed.-

Foreign intern(girl) stayed shocked for the rest of the trip back. We chose to walk with pride on the same road instead of taking help. Or probably just a transport.
A college guy on his came right after the auto incident, and held his ears and apologized.

College guy: I'm sorry from the side of these silly Indians.
-Juhi said it was really sweet of him. Juhi started walking again with foreign intern(girl) and didn't care enough to look back. She never does.-

-Days later two street guys come over to Melanie and her translator walking next to her. They ask her translator.-
Loser #9: [With loser #10] If we try and talk to the white girl, would she slap me?

-Juhi, supposedly the tough white girl who doesn't take crap forms an image in Qazi camp, before she leaves. Foreign intern(girl) feels that this image of Juhi's could be used as a safety jacket after she leave, by her.-

Power.
Happiness.
Peace.
Composure.
Strength.
Happiness. To who has loved.
Power.
Strength.


[Some names have not been taken for security reasons.]

04-06-2007

Date: June 30, 2007.

To Juhi
knowing that
(Birthdays are insignificant)
Clutter and chaos
Give way to
Decision and balls
and that
Helping people
To build bridges
With a little activism
That is non-sponsored.

I S.W.E.A.R.!!!

Photo Reference: Give my burger back you SON OF A GUN!!!


Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pale of water.
Jack fell down, and broke his crown,
And Jill shouted F*@#!!!

A boy was named Shit. Yes, 'The verb' and 'The noun' were named in respect of him.
His friend was called Fuck.
They drove at a speed of x-kmph.
On Fuck's bike.
Accident.
Fuck died.
Before dying, he looked at his Yamaha R1, and said, SHIT!
After dying, Shit looked at him and cried out, FUCK!!!

And the sheep o' the world followed what the gentlemen had to say...

History teaches us:
Once upon a f*@#ing time there was this f*@#ing shi%%y dood from this bl##dy f*@#ing place in New Jersey. F*@# him man! He was f*@#ing drivin at a sh%%y speed o' 180 km per hour! HAD ta f*@#in crash into some goddamned f*@#in pit hole!
F*@# man! Majorly! f*@# teh system fawr these f*@# limits on mowthaf*@#in every goddamnit thing huh!!?!!
Sheesh! That f*@#in dood was a bro man, f*@#in bro to me! Sheesh!
And so the swearing jacks conquered the world.

"Screw" them.


Swear: I cannot swear a swear.

*Conditions apply.

Gifted tomorrows

Rains are nice.
My first few days at college, when Dog and I refused to be called "friends", dare any body's veins would they add a "best" to it.
Go fish you gurls already!
There was on, a season commonly known to us as, Monsoons. Yeah the one when people get wedded. I made Dog get drenched in the rains with me. Cuz "I" love it!
The Rain.

I got a haircut a year ago, around the same time when college started. To look nicer[with a difference] and less-nicer[without a decent hairdo.] Now I'm capable of being called The President of U.S.A . Of all my head-to-toe, my face keeps from getting wet. Yeah. Thankee The Hair God! Hail you!

One of my finest memories of loving rains is when I used to be a little-girl.[Yeah every I-was-never-a-little-gurl WAS once one.]. 5th grade(?). My last exam and the school bus dropped me home. Those 5 minutes from bus-stop to home turned into a half-an-hour long rain-dance party for me. I took roads never taken before. Smiled to people never seen before. Gazed at homes never been across before.
I was shouting! "Aaj mere exams khatam hain!!"
And dancing like those stupid-pink-girls whom I call stoopid-pink-gurls today.

The same monsoons, the guy living RIGHT in front of my house, quite elder to me, thought nobody comes out in the rain, so HE planned to step out. In his balcony. Naked.
Yes. That happens to you at times. He still lives there.

There were rains when half the girls in my class wouldn't step out cuz of SOME reasons with their uniforms, and the other half WOULD step out cuz of SOME reasons with their uniforms.
Yes. There are people like those.
Both. I mean.

There were rains when the drops from the sky weren't enough to drench me enough to tell Dadi that I enjoyed even after her telling me "Ye mausam ki pehli baarish hai! Isme mat nahana!! Beemar ho jaaoge!!". I stood under the pipe that comes from a little terrace, and after collecting loads of water like rain-water harvesting, drops it all on you at once.
Yes. That, still seems fun to me.

I have liked the spelling of "Rain".
R.A.I.N.
Its a happy sound to pronounce it too.
Rain.

People claim to not like it.
Anika, that average-looking-average -hearted-nice-friendish-person-whom I had lost contact with, for 6 years-then-got back through a common link. She cribbed about rainy weather at that long-time-no-see meeting. She stays beautiful. Hates rains. Sugerru!! [*Spanish, "Sure"]
Payal didi, that round-fair-fairy God-mother looking-beautiful-fresh-cabbage-like-mood-forever cousin of mine whom I saw last before this time, at another cousin's wedding who has a 5 year old kid now. She stays beautiful. Hates rains. Sugerru!!.

Both, blushed to denial when I refused to buy their supposed irritation towards rain.

Reasons:
Anika: Humidity is irritating!
Payal Didi: Faaltoo main kyun bheegein?

Anika and I had an amazing re-union. She walked me back to the metro station in the rain.
Payal didi and I had chaat sitting under a mobile-van-restaurant. She rode me back home on her Scooty, excellent speed! Skidding through the wet roads.

Guys all over the world have ONE name they would like to name their daughter.
SOMEwhere, SOME person called his daughter Rain. I do not remember who. I just know that it was one beauty of a thought.
We wouldn't dare think of naming one daughter that, owing to our non-complimentary Indian surnames.
Papa named my sister 'Meha'. It means rain.

The weather's heated up here.
The Sun irritates me daily.
Enough to ruin each day's million smiles. The genuine ones passed on effortlessly, and the ones I put on to mock at people. The 'HA-HA-HA'-s too.

My friend calls up each day. Every night. He lives where it rains a lot. :D
I heard a thunder on phone today. I was given a treasured description of lightening. I love lightning for different reasons. :P
I love the colour. Purple-pink. And flashy. Its cool there. Nice. I like believing I'm close enough to my friend to feel the weather there too. :D

Rain makes me happy. Sub-conscious efforts to make me feel my rain.
I would like calling myself 'gifted' to have realized numerous things around me that would make me happy. Not many people are.

"Enjoy yourself... Its later than you think!" A movie had this song. Ghosts were dancing to it. Old men-women ghosts.

Is it that I enjoy rains as a man in Greenland would like the morning Sun?

Did I just contradict myself? Finding happiness in what you don't have?
No I didn't.
Yeah, I'm also gifted enough to be able to reason with myself.

I'm happy because I felt closeness.
Rain makes me happy. Its too far right now. I claim to have felt it. Thunder on phone, yes.
"Did you hear that?"
Sub-conscious effort to avoid me having missed that thunder.
Rain makes me happy. Its too far right now. I claim to have felt it. The purple-pink color I never defined to myself. I DO recall its the same.
Rain makes me happy. Its too far right now. Still on, or sleeping. I claim to have felt it.

Can one be happy enough to cry one's heart out?

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts."

- Great Expectations, Charles Dickens

A smile, if can afford to show mockery; why can't a tear show extreme outburst of happiness?
Yet to feel it.
Its too far right now.
I feel it though. It is making me happy.


Photo: It was raining here.

Too long lost an identity(?).

Humungous buildings... Rolls Royce.

Fantabulous marble shots! Long lines to the Grocer’s

26 hours a day, where one kid got a phone in his hand, one plays stick-and-tire.

These classes make up for half of the world. The other half.. is.. the one that carries.. ME.

Two kinds of people need me in this world. One that got neither marbles nor diamonds. The middle class. And the other, who’s known his happiness as being able to buy a taffy from his share of coins.

I am. A Rupee coin.

I’m not a crackling grand note. I DID save Veeru’s ass in Sholay though.

I’m no gold biscuit. I DID make India win the ’83 toss though.

You gave me up for a lolly at three. You gave me up for a shiny shoe at before an interview.. at 23.

Put me in to weigh at the station. Put me in to call Tina out of emotion. I made your Sun round.

I won’t ask how my presence in your wallet embarrasses you today.

I won’t tell you you’d do the same to a tenner one day..

I’m happy being a rupee coin. I’m like your parents. I’m the happiest when you need to depend on me. Even happier when you don’t.

I would just want you to know that, no matter what high peaks you reach, the lowest common denominator will always exist.

A rupee coin.

I possibly CAN’t help you multiply your fortune.

Numero Uno.

The number ONE.

I DEMAND respect.

Being the first primary number.

Being your first lesson.

Numero Uno.

The number ONE.

Karanji Festival! ~Getting on your toes~

HOW TO MAKE GUJIYA IN 10 EASY STEPS!! [Dare you mind the quality! :X]
_____________________________________________________________
STEP #1--->Care enough to DOUGH THE DOUGH. =D
__________________________________________________
STEP #2---> Pose for a photo as the dough is ready. You got it you flaunt it! \;P/
__________________________________________________
STEP #3---> Make a nice mixture of stuff that is sweet. DoNOT put your beau in it though. Been there done that, it tastes bad! Nuts are a good idea though. =]
__________________________________________________
STEP #4---> Rolling on the stone Rolling. :-| Yeah. The dough I mean. =P Be nice to it. And It'll be nice to you. =]
__________________________________________________
STEP #5---> Then pretend as if there's no nicer job in the world than stuffing a mould with stuff you can eat. [Where stuff=stuff] =P
__________________________________________________
STEP #6---> Then do what you love most!! BE MEAN!! Mwahahahaaa >:) Close the mould hard and give an evil grin so they know WHO's the Boss here!
__________________________________________________
STEP #7---> Then turn into an angel again once you've opened the mould. There's a pretty semi-circle that you've made ALL by yourself.... Sob sob. Its SO cute! Better be nice to it!! :x
__________________________________________________
STEP #8---> There! That little baby again.. That you're planning to put into Hot Oil! >:)
__________________________________________________
STEP #9---> Ask your Mom to do the "Don't try this without Adult Supervision" work. You're pretty and you should not take risks. :-| Let the experienced do it! \;P/
__________________________________________________
STEP #10---> Tadadada tadaa! THERE!! You got the powers Annnd the GUJIYA!! Woohooo!! Like yourself!! ;P

__________________________________________________
Now Thank your Special Helper #1 and #2. Annnd Live Happily ever after. =]] Happy Holi!!!! __________________________________________________

Obituary dé Beanalisa

Veni, Vidi, Died

Aaah! Modern day bliss, sinusitis [You can’t smell it when a garbage truck passes by XD]. At times you can’t breathe he at all. But no, this wasn’t why I died. Gotcha! =P...

Hmm. So, a normal day, the alarm crowed, I kicked my sister to the world of awaken people, and got up after Mommie almost choked on her breakfast, shouting at me, to wake me up. Though NOT because it was September.=P

So I took my tennis racquet [Yeah baby, am a player!] and off I went, rushing through the door, running, to save myself from the million dollar worth fine, "Humiliation" by a bad accented guy who calls my best pal a “Potato”, the man himself - Mister Coach Sir. He, again is not a reason why I died [P.S. I never thought I’d ever use the phrase “I died.”].

So there I was running, when a nice dude passed by, my head was kind of tilted while I was checking him out.=D. No, heart attack wasn’t a reason either, QUIT GUESSING! Baah, I tripped... CLAP CLAP! THIS was “The reason” my passing away(?)!

[Yeah I know! Stupid way of dying(!). My “Life” hasn’t been believable either. [With two gender change operations and getting de-spectacled twice, leaving my little sister jealous, having harsh luck with computer printers, falling in love with my married street dogs, etc. etc.]. So why would my “End” be any cliché?]

The bad-bad stone left my head [Note: With great hair.] wide open.. Guess nobody cared to save me, they stayed shocked, kept looking. [I swear I never put chilly powder in nobody’s eyes! =P]. Or maybe they were too surprised to see a brain, that size..

Well as for my yellow tennis racquet, it went to my First-semester-video-production-talent [He’s a nice person! =]].

Yeah a wonderful beginning... A wonderful end ... A "WOW!!!" journey:D [Sorry people whom I kicked in the tummy and forced chilly-grape-sandwiches down their pants.. Live long..].

Cheers to life!

What's with Bad Days and Saltless Shrimps???

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

I first saw 50 First Dates with my gang [Ssup Stinky, Ruppa, Sammy Allie n Lu? Miss ya guys... Not really... but I DO still think you’re nice people...]. That movie was-is awesome! Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler can carry of an ill-Barrymore story just as perfectly as they can a puking-Barrymore-story [The wedding singer: 1998. On a personal note, watch it already!]. 50 first dates, in short:

Girl-medically forgetful-boy-in love-gurl’s one-day memory [PS: what luck dude!]-Stuff-more-stuff-bad day good day-The End [still looked like the movie has just started!]

Yeah so this Lucy girl [Drew’s character] weird irritant man! She has a bad mood---->harsh luck for Henry [Adam]... They actually made this song run Cause you had a bad day... One of my favorites, hehe... Henry tries to stop Lucy while she’s driving on the highway...He places a little lamb/dog in the way so that she gets down to save it, play with it, and he gets to hit on her.. Lucy while driving bends down to pick up something and almost kills the lamb/dog. Lol! And the music... YOU’ve had a bad day; I really hope it was lamb’s gurlfriend singing. Hah.

I wish I were Lucy... She couldn’t remember anything for more than 24 hours! What fun!

No hangovers from bad days! Like the one I had today... Yeah 3^rd Feb 2007... A BAD DAY!

Disclaimer: I’m gonna crib as hell in the following paragraphs, don’t say then that you would’ve preferred eating raw cashew-filled-tunas but for reading THIS!

So I survived the day when my keyboard tap danced on my computer table while I donated my mouse to a station master cuz he didn’t put red roses in my way to the metro-train door that closed off before Neil Armstrong could say that “Great step bleh”[What does HE know?]..

BUT, I couldn’t stand the day when I wore the classic blue jeans-white T and looked like a black singer who’s got a skin change done... [Oh wait... *eeeu*]

Corrected: BUT, I couldn’t stand the day when I wore the classic blue jeans while T and looked like a black rapper who’s got a skin change done..:D

I was looking so friggin cool when a friend barges in saying “Hey Roo... what happened? You look sick” [:-S]

I mean I mock at people’s bulging tummies EVERYday but nobody reciprocates...but today I was getting a trance state with the massaging buffer of the metro train and this guy gives mean looks cuz I was lost in his pimples!Baah life @ Today!

Then I reach college just to realize I’m being scolded for working my bit and being irresponsible enough not to do other’s. :-| Thanks...

Then I run through the sports field with over 1000 people around with loose, verry loose jeans and an over sized T-shirt looking like a I-don’t-care-no-*peep* chica![which I AM but what’s the need advertising? Pfff..!]

The slogan that we posed for our department... Well the topic was “My dream India: 60 years of independence” The slogan said: Hangover of Freedom, The show is still on.

Judges thought, we being the coolest department in college, dared to campaign for alcohol in our message to the world. What fun!:-|

Our department magazine “Pravaah”, too good an edition this year. The Graffiti page has quotes from Thomas Edison, Macbeth, G.B. Shaw, Calvin, and ME:D, yayy! But the sans-me editorial photograph has my name misspelled, in the “Art team” category, when I darn DID have a hand/leg in the editing stuff:-S. No-photo isn’t a worry, I actually like not being advertized:D.. And I woke up late the day there was photo session so... heehaw.

Our department’s International Film Festival “Mise En Scene” will be on from 5^th-7^th February. Dress code for 6^th is Salwar Kameez or Saree. My Salwar Kameez [whatever the top is called out of the two words] gets screwy-sewey! Yeah I look like a ballet dancer with the frills with the ill-fitted kurti and the churidaar looks like Adolph Hitler’s pants. Woohoo! The tailor person, RIGHT NOW, is dancing in a wedding in Dehradun. El Perfecto!

All the saints, go marching in...

And all the saints go marching IN...

Aaah We’re marching and marching, and we ARE the laziest in this respect...of all the departments in the college, Mass comm. department doesn’t know its lefts and rights;)

The best is displayed when we’re in “eyes right” position right in front of the Chief guests...and....-hold your breath-.. Due to uneven steps of various departments, there’s no more space to march on and we stay staring, gazing, lost in the Guest’s eyes...for about 2 mins. Yes, US, of all!

The gurl in front of me had a wierd walk; she’s heaven to be behind of when you got a sports day march... She was my source of light, for the 15 minutes that my legs equaled stiff logs... I stayed entertained... yeahhh.

HOD Sports, two days before the sports day: Tum logon ka to slogan bhi nahi aaya hai... tumhaara Film fest hai, pure college ka to nahi hai. Ek slogan banao, YEHI TO TUMHAARA KAAM HAI. Aur tabloid [act to present slogan] ka kya idea hai bhai? Yeh sab to tum log karte hi rehte ho...

Ahh she meant, we’re drame-baaz people and should’ve been done with it already!

Anyways, the tabloid WAS prepared 1 hour before its presentation before the world... I was the Devil’s Advocate... Shouting... shouting. Shouting... it was fun... cuz being on-stage is my thing... but more fun was when people scrapped me telling me they love to see me dragging human beings and screaming my throat out, without mic..I knew I was an adopted baby in the human species... Devil’s advocate was on with a T-shirt that said: “Don’t play God” What a perfect co-incidence!

Annnd it also said, “Boy or Girl-It’s not your choice”

[Note: This is when my orkut profile has Jobie Ray-the 21-year-old handsome Italian fashion photographer on.] WHAT coincidence!

We were given refreshment coupons for actively participating in the sports day:D yayy freee food... Life was finally taking a positive turn when the room where our class was supposed to get the refreshments had a BIG lock on it. YES, room number 6 was closed. Now I know how the traders must feel during the government sealing, seeing their food sources sealed... yeah sad...

Then my friends told me the studio’s got all the boxes...My tummy making gud-duu-duudu-gudu sounds,,,, boxes in studio over:-| But, after a long run of My-tummy’s-gonna-blast-and-rats-are-coimn-out-of-it-MIND-YOU, we finally had something to bring my “aaaah” moment. :D

Annnd I had to miss the blood donation camp that my school alumni organized... I can’t donate blood due to lack of it:P Anaemic... I have always liked names beginning with “A” and having “n” in them... I wanted to be named “Ahanna”. Though “Anaemic” works for me:P

I can’t donate it, but it’s always a pleasure to see people screaming like Chimpanzees do when you hide your forks in their pockets cuz you don’t want to eat Maggie, that curly stuff your Mom thinks you like.

Queschin: So Chimpanzees have pockets or Kangaroos?

Annd the best part about the Bad Day, is having so many nice people to care about you the whole day...Infact they are so nice that they would throw a big smile [not to forget ‘along with’ their weight.] at you congratulating you for something you didn’t win:p, in an attempt to get popular with the other-cool n popular-person standing next to you:D. And people tell you that they are thankful for your existence... they’ve now realized your importance...cuz you’re prety comfortable and accurate with the stencil cutter while doing artwork:-| Yeah, I love you guys too!

My hair gone bad, my log muscles hurt, my parole officer likes Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi, Shahrukh Khan’s famous, Big Boss fans all around me, Hypocrisy is talent, Lame people hold high posts, Cartoon Network has gone Hindi, I don’t remember Will n Grace’s timing, Shin Chan is stealing my thunder, and the nail cutter is misplaced..

Baah...

Note: And you thought I’d end it on a happy note with all “no matter how many problems, they always end... blah blah blah!”. Well I won’t. The thing is, you’ll have days when everything gets screwed up, no need waiting for “happiness” to come your way, just pretty much enjoy your screwing up, laugh at what you’ve done to yourself just like you do when you see Ross taking the wrong name at his wedding or Phoebe making future-fun of Mike’s proposals, or Joey’s ... French literacy.. Laugh about it... wait for the next time it comes... HOPE for the next time it comes... cuz it is not every day that you can write a blog about right? ;)

PS:What's with the photo?.. Yeah. I can pose one even if the Sun decides to ask me out!:p
That's Baxter and me celebrating The Sports meet CLOSED. :D

Much ado about nothing..

Tom n Jerry Times wishes you a Very Happy [where H=Cr] New Year[:P]. At this point of time, ‘An intellectual's peek
into 2006’ is the next best thing to post about just after ‘Airtel works at 0000 hours on 1^st Jan too’. This post is a desperate attempt to reach any one of these standards.

We have regular Saturday Workshops at college. They are not the best thing to happen to you apart from the days when Ashok Chakradhar steps in or when there is an advertising guy who has an abusive-compulsive disorder, and never hesitates while complimenting your arse and turning it into grass. Well today, we had a workshop on ‘developmental journalism’ and I won’t lie to you but the lady stank. Where, on the floor of our studio[the workshop area], her lecture on ‘The importance of Empathy in a journalist’s work’ was interesting, right there, in the same room was me, hanging from the ceiling updating Tom n Jerry Times at the back of my timetable with a borrowed pen. Yes, she was an eye candy.

I started out with criticizing her with respect to other inhuman boring grasses but soon realized that I was leading into commandments... Ever heard of The Holy Bible? That is how I landed to the idea of what-to-do-what-not-to-do.

[Note: I could have simply written 'The Do's and Don'ts, but i just wanted you to 'empathize' with me:-S]

What I key down here are not things you need to keep in mind while dragging yourself through the roads of wisdom but certain things you better resolve to if you do not want to be in news in the coming year. Following are more-or-more jeer at the who’s who of recent times.

[Kel style]: Aaaa here it goes...

# Thou shalt not kiss people on your birthdays

# Thou shalt not fall into any pit with Zee TV around you

# Thou shalt not get photos clicked while mocking Matrix--> “Talk to the finger”

# Thou shalt not serve drinks in a bar just to raise candle sales 10 years from now

# Thou shalt not be so chicken that you die of Bird flu

# Thou shalt not get fat just before FIFA cup

# Thou shalt not go for ‘The Break up’ and crib about baby Smith

# Thou shalt not go for a picnic with Licensed spammer’s [where p=c] daughter, esp. near a waterfall.

# Thou shalt not scratch you balls before an English Test

# Thou shalt not make a protagonist movie with a firang chick and handsome guys, running in past tense

# Thou shalt not call the day rotten if CAT crosses your way

# Thou shalt not get a mole-job done just before your book release

# Thou shalt put a black mask on your face [beg, borrow, steal, whatever!] next time chickens plan to execute you LIVE in action

# Thou shalt not resign out of house-of-profit until you be confirmed a sure shot comeback, screw Big B’s wife!

# Thou shalt spend time giving interviews than training to make sure you stay Paes of the same pod

# Thou shalt not take any extra bath during rainy season in Mumbai

# Thou shalt run for the nearest hospital bed as soon as you hear *Ka boooom!! Pfshh boooom!!*

# Thou shalt pay your taxes out of your reform-funds no matter if your house is drowning under some dam(n)

# Thou shalt not believe in the theory of ‘sealing with a kiss’ when it comes to your shop

# Thou shalt marry a beauty queen while the King of Lollywood takes over your dad’s sure-and-confident-locked show

# Thou shalt not crib about Scheduled classes and work towards making good out of your own self

# Thou shalt not quit living after board results

# Thou shalt drink sprite when thirsty and have a rank figure of 55-34-55

# Thou shalt believe in horoscopes, and not have a life

Apart from these, there are special instructions to Eshaa and Chhavi:

# Thou shalt not cast an amateur Hitler who thinks he needed pleasure in life

# Thou shalt not cast an amateur Gandhi who has studs and thinks that Hitler killed the Greeks!

Its was never too difficult to get famous. Controversies are to Media what Pahaad is to a Rai yet what Ammonia is to Pee!

Chao!