Tom n Jerry Times wishes you a Very Happy [where H=Cr] New Year[:P]. At this point of time, ‘An intellectual's peek
into 2006’ is the next best thing to post about just after ‘Airtel works at 0000 hours on 1st Jan too’. This post is a desperate attempt to reach any one of these standards.
We have regular Saturday Workshops at college. They are not the best thing to happen to you apart from the days when Ashok Chakradhar steps in or when there is an advertising guy who has an abusive-compulsive disorder, and never hesitates while complimenting your arse and turning it into grass. Well today, we had a workshop on ‘developmental journalism’ and I won’t lie to you but the lady stank. Where, on the floor of our studio[the workshop area], her lecture on ‘The importance of Empathy in a journalist’s work’ was interesting, right there, in the same room was me, hanging from the ceiling updating Tom n Jerry Times at the back of my timetable with a borrowed pen. Yes, she was an eye candy.
I started out with criticizing her with respect to other inhuman boring grasses but soon realized that I was leading into commandments... Ever heard of The Holy Bible? That is how I landed to the idea of what-to-do-what-not-to-do.
[Note: I could have simply written 'The Do's and Don'ts, but i just wanted you to 'empathize' with me:-S]
What I key down here are not things you need to keep in mind while dragging yourself through the roads of wisdom but certain things you better resolve to if you do not want to be in news in the coming year. Following are more-or-more jeer at the who’s who of recent times.
[Kel style]: Aaaa here it goes...
# Thou shalt not kiss people on your birthdays
# Thou shalt not fall into any pit with Zee TV around you
# Thou shalt not get photos clicked while mocking Matrix--> “Talk to the finger”
# Thou shalt not serve drinks in a bar just to raise candle sales 10 years from now
# Thou shalt not be so chicken that you die of Bird flu
# Thou shalt not get fat just before FIFA cup
# Thou shalt not go for ‘The Break up’ and crib about baby Smith
# Thou shalt not go for a picnic with Licensed spammer’s [where p=c] daughter, esp. near a waterfall.
# Thou shalt not scratch you balls before an English Test
# Thou shalt not make a protagonist movie with a firang chick and handsome guys, running in past tense
# Thou shalt not call the day rotten if CAT crosses your way
# Thou shalt not get a mole-job done just before your book release
# Thou shalt put a black mask on your face [beg, borrow, steal, whatever!] next time chickens plan to execute you LIVE in action
# Thou shalt not resign out of house-of-profit until you be confirmed a sure shot comeback, screw Big B’s wife!
# Thou shalt spend time giving interviews than training to make sure you stay Paes of the same pod
# Thou shalt not take any extra bath during rainy season in Mumbai
# Thou shalt run for the nearest hospital bed as soon as you hear *Ka boooom!! Pfshh boooom!!*
# Thou shalt pay your taxes out of your reform-funds no matter if your house is drowning under some dam(n)
# Thou shalt not believe in the theory of ‘sealing with a kiss’ when it comes to your shop
# Thou shalt marry a beauty queen while the King of Lollywood takes over your dad’s sure-and-confident-locked show
# Thou shalt not crib about Scheduled classes and work towards making good out of your own self
# Thou shalt not quit living after board results
# Thou shalt drink sprite when thirsty and have a rank figure of 55-34-55
# Thou shalt believe in horoscopes, and not have a life
Apart from these, there are special instructions to Eshaa and Chhavi:
# Thou shalt not cast an amateur Hitler who thinks he needed pleasure in life
# Thou shalt not cast an amateur Gandhi who has studs and thinks that Hitler killed the Greeks!
Its was never too difficult to get famous. Controversies are to Media what Pahaad is to a Rai yet what Ammonia is to Pee!
Chao!
